How Spider Ants and Coffee Addiction Saved my Life (Probably)
I’ve decided its past time that I start preparing for the zombie apocalypse. I’ve always been big on horror movies and especially love the monster movies, who doesn’t? But some things have come to light lately that make me realize it’s about time to take this stuff seriously. For instance, have you noticed the huge uptick in zombie movies? I used to be the only one, now everyone is talking about them. I figure it’s the government’s way of preparing us. Also, bath salts? Enough said.
What finally pushed me to get prepared was the little spider ants in my coffee pot.
Really, they were gross. They moved right in to the actual coffee machine and then after a while they layed eggs or something and twice when I poured water into the top of the coffee maker spider ants came running out by the millions. I didn’t count them, but it looked like millions. I didn’t get a picture of this unbelievable occurrence because I was much too busy waving my hands and jumping around like a two year old.
Obviously, I threw out 2 coffee pots. I decided not to waste my money buying a new one because it seems Florida is just too weird to allow me to own one. So now I blow 2 bucks picking up coffee on the way to work everyday and on weekends I go down to my dads’ and drink coffee with him and his friend. His very-into-preparing-for-a-disaster friend. Maybe you know someone like him. He’s the one who talks about how guns will be outlawed within the week (so you better go buy some), social unrest is causing a civil war next month (better buy lots), and a nuclear bomb may or may not be coming at us right now (not gonna help a bit). But it’s all good, because unlike ME, he’s prepared. When I shamefully admitted that I run at night by myself without a gun he looked at me like I said I ran with nothing on but maybe a glow light strapped to my wrist. Where exactly am I supposed to carry a gun when I’m running? I don’t even bring a key.
Well I HATE when someone one ups me (not really, but in this case) so I proudly announced how I’ll be just fine; I’ve been reading zombie preparedness sites. Another one of those looks. And then he announced that when I have nothing and come knocking on his door I won’t be allowed in because I won’t have anything good to bring to the party. Well, that wasn’t the exact wording but there was mention of food.
FINE. I will just have to prepare for my own party. But since preparing for civil wars, social unrest and hurricanes is boring I’m preparing for the zombie apocalypse instead. Some people better be stocking up on rum and coke if they plan on knocking on MY door!
As displayed by the fact that I’m still back down to running a mile after my last illness I like to take little steps in all things. So my first step is to find a place to hoard water, canned goods, and other stuff to be determined. I have a walk in closet that I haven’t cleaned since I bought the house 7 years ago and I’m working on getting it cleaned out to use a portion for storage. It’s a bit more paranoid than my usual self but the idea of storing food and water in the sweltering garage sounds like food poisoning to me, so the closet will do.
I managed to get it almost half way cleaned out. The goal is to finish clearing it out by next weekend and then start stocking it with very necessary stuff. Since preparing for the zombie apocalypse is almost as important as running I’ve decided to post updates about how the preparedness is coming. Sorry in advance.